12.07.2009

Ron Artest is Batshit Insane

I know saying Ron Artest is crazy is like saying Mila Kunis is hot or Packers fans are fat, but I feel like most people don't really appreciate the depth of his lunacy.  A quick rundown of the craziest man in sports:

-Of course there's the infamous Pacers-Pistons Rumble at the Palace.  I would've given every cent to my name (aprox. 43 bucks, but still) to be at this fight.


    -Then there's the recent revelation that Artest used to enjoy a little Halftime Hennessy when he played with the Bulls.  In trying to clarify his claim of drinking during games, he somehow managed to reiterate his desire to box Ben Wallace after his career is over, which he first proclaimed in a 2005 Penthouse Magazine cover story.



    "I don't want to fight Ben Wallace in no street. I don't want to fight Ben Wallace on no basketball court. But after our careers are over, I will fight Ben Wallace in the boxing ring. But not out of hatred. But out of it would be a good boxing match. So don't look forward to me fighting Ben on a basketball court, because that's not going to happen."





     If that ever happens I got $100 on Big Ben. He is one bad lookin' dude.





















    -That's not to say Artest doesn't look jacked as fuck.  How would I know?  Because he recently went on Jimmy Kimmel in his underwear.



      -And apparently he has a thing for walking around in his underwear. In a Bill Simmons column this July, it was revealed that before Game 7 of the Lakers-Rockets playoff series last year Artest
        ".. missed the first two team buses (the ones for players, coaches and team personnel) from Houston's hotel to the Staples Center and barely made the third and final bus, which was reserved for business staff, sponsors and friends of the team. These stunned people watched Artest sprint to the bus right before it left, jump on and take one of the remaining seats ... yes, wearing only his underwear. Owner Leslie Alexander happened to be sitting on the bus and witnessed the whole thing."
        -Earlier last season Artest revealed that he had seen a friend murdered via lead stake through the heart during a heated pickup basketball game.  I guess that may explain some of the insanity.




          -On a lighter note Artest is a HUGE Michael Jackson fan.  He's wearing #37 with the Lakers because that's how many weeks 'Thriller' spent topping the charts.  When MJ died Artest did what any grieving fan would do: He recorded a tribute song.




            -According to this fairly comprehensive timeline of Artest's troubles, he has been suspended nine times for a total of 99 games, (the brawl at Auburn Hills accounting for 86 of them) and been fined seven times for $97,500. (Not including lost salary)

              -Also in the timeline were anecdotes of him trying to get a job a Circuit City as a rookie in Chicago (for the employee discount, of course) asking for time off during the season to promote his rap album, and breaking two of Michael Jordan's ribs during a pickup game when MJ was attempting a comeback.

              -He's even crazy enough to be a member of PETA, despite the fact that
              "Dogs owned by Artest spent a total of 77 nights at the pound since July because of poor care by their owner, costing the NBA star $1,942 in boarding and impound fees, county records show."


               So there you have it.  Ron Artest is batshit insane.  I doubt we'll ever see anyone as crazy and successful in sports for a long time.